Surprises...

23/09/2009 II

Today something surprised me a lot..Someone I never thought of and not so close could understand every little bit of my feeling..I can only say that only those who've been through this know the feeling..姜还是老的辣..

Today I found out that ur ah kim alredi know everything that happen..That is quite a dilemma for me since another person decided to interrupt what happen between us..But I am quite surprised about what she said..First, I want to say that we have zero communication about this matter before this..

She knew that i keep asking for accompany because i am lack of secure feeling..She know that i keep stop you from doing things because i care for you..Even thinking is the same..She agreed with me that wayne was up to no good..Even though he knew that you already has me..He still want to stick his stupid nose inside..He never think that this only make the matter worse..He is definitely an asshole..One asshole that I'll never forget and forgive..There is no friend between us..only enemy..

Anyway....the most important is what ah kim said..It really surprised me..

Things changes faster than speed of light...

23/09/2009

Since 1st day of raya..things happen..cracking and destructing my mind..sucked out all the strength in my mind..What actually happen between us? I cant raise up my spirit to concentrate in anything..All i know is quarrel after quarrel..Not even one day we could live in peace..

Finally..I made decision to adapt to your life..To let u go..every inch of freedom that you wish shall be granted..In order to prevent our relationship from getting worse, I think this decision is needed..I seriously hope that by doing this..Arguments can be reduced..I treasure you as much as my life..and i give up trying to control you..or rather, i lost the ability to control you anyway..You are like a bird that needs to fly freely in the sky..You can live my life..you can't stay in room quietly whole day..

I've come to this conclusion not too late i hope..Hope that there are still chance between us..

I just can't do it...help me pls...

14/09/2009

God..I really need your help..I can't keep myself away from sadness..from loneliness..Everyday I am trying hard to control my temper..To not let it loose easily..But it is so hard and what i achieve is still so little..

All this while, I keep trying not to be unhappy or to hope that you can chat with me..I keep fill my time with all sorts of things..Even stupid things..But in the end..my mind will still stray to you..Without you contacting me, something seems to be wrong..Why after all this while I still can't accept that you won't be always with me..What did I lack?? Starting from tomorrow, I must begin my intensive training..Not to keep thinking of you..To only contact you once in a while..

Will our love withers?? Hard to say..Maybe it already did and all I am doing now is to nurture it back to normal..

I realize I am a superb actor..During last few week's compulsory counseling section..Even the psychology student was fooled by me and even say I am optimistic type of person..I believe she will consider dropping the course if i ever let her into my heart..Haha..A totally opposite person i think she will say i am..Haha..But anyway..This only proved one thing, that is I can hide myself well enough without other people noticing who i am..Good for becoming assassin but sometimes even i don't know who I am..Sad to say this..I conceive myself too from myself..Damn..

Hardest times of year...

13/03/2009

Again..It is almost the hardest times if the year again..The months of exam..Where u'll be too bz to accompany me...The months that our quarrel will again intensified and maybe even break up will happen..I alredi tried my best to control my feeling..But argument still takes place..just hope that dis time it wont be dat worse.

Do u care for me??

13/09/2009

Already several times i tried to emphasize so many times that I'm human too..I need care from others..But you never seems to care..I told you yesterday I am unwell..Yet,is there any single word of concern from you this morning? Is it that you will start concern me when I am unable to speak anymore..When I am in coma..Only you yourself know the answer..

Fucking pissed off!!!!!

13/09/2009

Just wanna release my feeling..I M FUCKING PISSED OFF...TO THOSE THAT READ THIS BLOG..LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE..

Inferior in all ways...

11/9/2009

Just now went to read one of my old fren's blog..I don usually go to read her blog..In fact, I read because my girl asks me to..I have no interest in her life whatsoever..After i read..I really feel inferior..Her boyfriend brought her to one high class buffet restaurant..Which cause around RM70+ each person..A price that is unaffordable for me..This really makes me want to ask my girl..Why chose me?? I can't give you all this enjoyment..I am just a poor student living on loan which is just enough for every semester..I can't bring you to any high class restaurant..At least not now..I believe that you definitely envy her..But..I can't give you that..That is beyond me..Haiz..

You deserved to be pampered..TO enjoy all this..But I, can't give you any of this..So sad that your relatives is the one that gives you this enjoyment..Damn..